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NaBloWriMo
Nov. 1st, 2016 11:42 pmSo we all know I can't write a novel so maybe I can keep up with the old Live Journal for a month. I'll give it a whirl, any way. Stay tuned.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Getting my health back.
Jul. 6th, 2012 11:35 amI have started back on the road to getting healthy again. My blood pressure is out of whack, my blood sugar is consistently running high (150 g/mL this morning), I have no energy, and walking around the grocery store is enough to cause me to break out in a sweat.
It's difficult for me because I did all this once before. I got exercising, lost weight, and felt good. And I was actually running and was more in shape than I'd ever been. Then I started going crazy, then my dad got sick and died, and I just fell off the wagon completely. I feel a lot of guilt with that. I'm sure I could go back and find journal entries about how I was never gaining the weight back and everything. Part of this process is letting go of that failure and remembering that I'm starting from scratch again. To not get discouraged because I can't make it through the easy level on the workout video or that I have sweat pouring off of me. And to start over with eating as well. Pull out the measuring spoons and start doing all that again. I have to get things under control.
Weight 318.0 pounds
This is 4 pounds over where I started 7(!) years ago losing weight. It is down from 329.5 in March. I pulled the scale out and will be stepping on every morning. I know this is unconventional, but it worked for me last time. It helps keep me in check and helps me track what foods are good/bad for me. I need to lose 100 pounds.
Blood Sugar: 150 g/mL
This is what is scaring me "straight." My mother takes 4-6 shots of insulin a day, and I don't want to end up like that. I am hoping if I can take off the weight that number will drop back to normal range without medication.
Blood Pressure: high. kept in check w/medication. This is something else I'd love to get rid of the medication for. I think it will come down as well if I continue to exercise.
Exercise: I tried my Biggest Loser cardio max DVD for the first time in forever yesterday. Oof. It was HARD!! and I had to stop several times. I really want to start walking again, but it's been so danged hot that I don't think I can outside yet unless I go early in the morning. I'm also having a really hard time getting up and moving in the mornings, and my medications (the effexor and the beta blocker) make exercising more difficult too soon after I've taken them. So for now I'm going to shoot for 2 or 3 pm and just do as much as I can with the DVD. It's more than I've been doing so it's gotta be helpful. I'll try walking some maybe next week when the temperatures cool down a little.
Diet: This is going to be hard as well. For starters I'm going to cut back on the amount of fats I use to cook with and try for more fruits and veggies and fewer starches. As always portion control is my biggest enemy so that needs attention as well. I am also going to keep an eye on sweets and added sugars, but not cut them completely out. I am also a big proponent of "real" foods (i.e. full fat dressings, regular jello as opposed to sugar free, 100% juice instead of diet) because I hate artificial sweetners. I will just need to use these things in more moderation. I also got to quit the fast food. Just can't have it. Period. End of story. For the weight loss part of the diet, I'm going to count calories again. It worked last time. Right now I'm just going to count how many I eat, but my goal in the next week or so will be to eat 1500-1800 a day.
Well, wish me luck.
It's difficult for me because I did all this once before. I got exercising, lost weight, and felt good. And I was actually running and was more in shape than I'd ever been. Then I started going crazy, then my dad got sick and died, and I just fell off the wagon completely. I feel a lot of guilt with that. I'm sure I could go back and find journal entries about how I was never gaining the weight back and everything. Part of this process is letting go of that failure and remembering that I'm starting from scratch again. To not get discouraged because I can't make it through the easy level on the workout video or that I have sweat pouring off of me. And to start over with eating as well. Pull out the measuring spoons and start doing all that again. I have to get things under control.
Weight 318.0 pounds
This is 4 pounds over where I started 7(!) years ago losing weight. It is down from 329.5 in March. I pulled the scale out and will be stepping on every morning. I know this is unconventional, but it worked for me last time. It helps keep me in check and helps me track what foods are good/bad for me. I need to lose 100 pounds.
Blood Sugar: 150 g/mL
This is what is scaring me "straight." My mother takes 4-6 shots of insulin a day, and I don't want to end up like that. I am hoping if I can take off the weight that number will drop back to normal range without medication.
Blood Pressure: high. kept in check w/medication. This is something else I'd love to get rid of the medication for. I think it will come down as well if I continue to exercise.
Exercise: I tried my Biggest Loser cardio max DVD for the first time in forever yesterday. Oof. It was HARD!! and I had to stop several times. I really want to start walking again, but it's been so danged hot that I don't think I can outside yet unless I go early in the morning. I'm also having a really hard time getting up and moving in the mornings, and my medications (the effexor and the beta blocker) make exercising more difficult too soon after I've taken them. So for now I'm going to shoot for 2 or 3 pm and just do as much as I can with the DVD. It's more than I've been doing so it's gotta be helpful. I'll try walking some maybe next week when the temperatures cool down a little.
Diet: This is going to be hard as well. For starters I'm going to cut back on the amount of fats I use to cook with and try for more fruits and veggies and fewer starches. As always portion control is my biggest enemy so that needs attention as well. I am also going to keep an eye on sweets and added sugars, but not cut them completely out. I am also a big proponent of "real" foods (i.e. full fat dressings, regular jello as opposed to sugar free, 100% juice instead of diet) because I hate artificial sweetners. I will just need to use these things in more moderation. I also got to quit the fast food. Just can't have it. Period. End of story. For the weight loss part of the diet, I'm going to count calories again. It worked last time. Right now I'm just going to count how many I eat, but my goal in the next week or so will be to eat 1500-1800 a day.
Well, wish me luck.
broken record much
Apr. 6th, 2012 11:23 amI don't know why I don't write here more often (sounds familiar doesn't it?)
I spent last week in WV/OH. That was awesome, but unfortunately opened up the homesickness upon return. I feel bad that Kristy blames herself. I don't think it's her fault at all - I just don't take well to change. Not having a job makes it worse. I think I might go down to the library or humane society and offer to volunteer.
I went to the doctor yesterday. Yikes. I have gained back every bit of weight I lost. I am wearing smaller clothes though. Not sure if that's because of sizes changing or I'm carrying the weight differently. I need to find the motivation to diet and exercise. I feel like if I could just lose some, I'd get back into it. I did get my prescriptions refilled so that's good.
our yard is a mess! and we have mosquitoes and ticks and bugs. It is so gross. And these mosquitoes are HUGE. At least 2 inches. so gross. I have to go out and cut the grass later. ugh. I also need to get the garden started. ack. I can't wait to grow things! yay.
Melvin is a spaz. I think he's getting spoiled with me here all the time. His separation anxiety is through the roof. And the fear of the washing machine has continued. I feel bad for the poor kid. Oden is just Oden. Still pooping everywhere. I think he secretly missed me though. He's been extra loving.
I spent last week in WV/OH. That was awesome, but unfortunately opened up the homesickness upon return. I feel bad that Kristy blames herself. I don't think it's her fault at all - I just don't take well to change. Not having a job makes it worse. I think I might go down to the library or humane society and offer to volunteer.
I went to the doctor yesterday. Yikes. I have gained back every bit of weight I lost. I am wearing smaller clothes though. Not sure if that's because of sizes changing or I'm carrying the weight differently. I need to find the motivation to diet and exercise. I feel like if I could just lose some, I'd get back into it. I did get my prescriptions refilled so that's good.
our yard is a mess! and we have mosquitoes and ticks and bugs. It is so gross. And these mosquitoes are HUGE. At least 2 inches. so gross. I have to go out and cut the grass later. ugh. I also need to get the garden started. ack. I can't wait to grow things! yay.
Melvin is a spaz. I think he's getting spoiled with me here all the time. His separation anxiety is through the roof. And the fear of the washing machine has continued. I feel bad for the poor kid. Oden is just Oden. Still pooping everywhere. I think he secretly missed me though. He's been extra loving.
(no subject)
Feb. 2nd, 2012 12:31 pmDamn, where does the time go?
This time is went to moving. Packing, moving, unpacking. And now that we're settled, the mundanity of life is begining. Now i have time to miss my friends, the places I knew, my job. sigh.
The move was relatively uneventful. We hired people on both ends of the trip to help load/unload. A couple of things got damaged, but nothing terrible. Melvin snd Oden seem to enjoy the new place. It is very cute, 60s style, 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths. The kitchen is the oldest, but we have a new fridge and oven so there's that. No dishwasher, pout, but we'll make it. The backyard is good for Melvin though we have to supervise him because the gate is too little and he escaped the first night we were here.
The biggest concern is of course money. I have no job, and Kristy has only her school income. She did get a GA and a TA position so her tuition is covered. I just need to find something to cover the bills. I've applied a couple of places, but haven't heard anything back. Those quesionaires they give you are hard. I never know how I should answer those questions.
I've managed to gain back all the weigh I'd lost. Big Sigh. Guess I need to lose it again. I only went up to size 22/24 though. I was a 28 at least before. not sure if that has to do with the sizes changing or me gaining the weight differently.
I'm pretty depressed with all the move and stuff. It involves alot of things, and I need to wrap my head around it better.
This time is went to moving. Packing, moving, unpacking. And now that we're settled, the mundanity of life is begining. Now i have time to miss my friends, the places I knew, my job. sigh.
The move was relatively uneventful. We hired people on both ends of the trip to help load/unload. A couple of things got damaged, but nothing terrible. Melvin snd Oden seem to enjoy the new place. It is very cute, 60s style, 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths. The kitchen is the oldest, but we have a new fridge and oven so there's that. No dishwasher, pout, but we'll make it. The backyard is good for Melvin though we have to supervise him because the gate is too little and he escaped the first night we were here.
The biggest concern is of course money. I have no job, and Kristy has only her school income. She did get a GA and a TA position so her tuition is covered. I just need to find something to cover the bills. I've applied a couple of places, but haven't heard anything back. Those quesionaires they give you are hard. I never know how I should answer those questions.
I've managed to gain back all the weigh I'd lost. Big Sigh. Guess I need to lose it again. I only went up to size 22/24 though. I was a 28 at least before. not sure if that has to do with the sizes changing or me gaining the weight differently.
I'm pretty depressed with all the move and stuff. It involves alot of things, and I need to wrap my head around it better.
Why is this so hard
Nov. 23rd, 2011 01:41 pmWell, 2 weeks. guess that's not so bad.
This blog is 9 yers old. It was started as a way for me to express myself fully while living in a plaqce I couldn't do that in real life. ANd it became a way for me to vent my frustration out into the void to avoid destroying myself. It is clear in the patterns when I'm feeling ok and when I'm depressed. I write much more when feeling down. Maybe that's why so many great poets were lunatics. THe dpression made them poetic.
So the big news is that I'm moving to Carbondale, Illinois, the beginning of January. It is this totally unexpected and surprise thing. Kristy has been taking classes online through Southern Illinois University, but it would be better for her to be on campus. So "we're packing up the the truck, and headed to beverly..." It's odd because I had no intention of ever moving out of Columbus. I will miss things here terribly, but I have become more and more convinced that my life is with Kristy - wherever that may be. :-)
So much to do with the move, I can't even begin. I will have several days off after Christmas to get my head on straight. Well, as straight as I can.
I'm excited to be an Aunt again. Ryleigh should be born any day. That's super exciting. Jordyn and Noah are cute because they are developing personalities and will carry on conversations with you. Just so adorable. I've got to find them something fun for Christmas.
Well, I need to finish lunch and get things cleaned up for Thanksgiving. yay.
This blog is 9 yers old. It was started as a way for me to express myself fully while living in a plaqce I couldn't do that in real life. ANd it became a way for me to vent my frustration out into the void to avoid destroying myself. It is clear in the patterns when I'm feeling ok and when I'm depressed. I write much more when feeling down. Maybe that's why so many great poets were lunatics. THe dpression made them poetic.
So the big news is that I'm moving to Carbondale, Illinois, the beginning of January. It is this totally unexpected and surprise thing. Kristy has been taking classes online through Southern Illinois University, but it would be better for her to be on campus. So "we're packing up the the truck, and headed to beverly..." It's odd because I had no intention of ever moving out of Columbus. I will miss things here terribly, but I have become more and more convinced that my life is with Kristy - wherever that may be. :-)
So much to do with the move, I can't even begin. I will have several days off after Christmas to get my head on straight. Well, as straight as I can.
I'm excited to be an Aunt again. Ryleigh should be born any day. That's super exciting. Jordyn and Noah are cute because they are developing personalities and will carry on conversations with you. Just so adorable. I've got to find them something fun for Christmas.
Well, I need to finish lunch and get things cleaned up for Thanksgiving. yay.
Caution Random thoughts ahead
Nov. 8th, 2011 12:50 pmSO ever not write because there is too much to say?
Politics: i hope everyone I know voted no on issue 2 in Ohio today. Even if you aren't in a union or your job/workplace doesn't have one, you need to thank the existence of unions for your safe working conditions and livable wage. Not to mention SB5 was politically motivated by a Republican governor trying to cripple the democratic base. Don't let the smoke screen of saving money fool you. Want to save money? How about all those cronies of Kasich giving back those 40% raises?
Health: I finally called the doctor about my wrists. My hands stay numb or hurt 90% of the time.I'm just going to have to listen to her about the weight and grin and bear it so hopefully we can fix my wrists. Kristy and I did do a good deal of walking this weekend. That was really nice.
Relationship: Things with Kristy are good. She's sweet and loving and kind and and and. I think this is going to last a long time.
Work sucks. They are doing tht stupid stuff with computers where they set it so average joe's can't change any settings or anything. Really, I understand where they are coming from, but I know what I can and cannot do on a computer and it just pisses me off. Not to mention that thewy never tell you when the computer guy will be here. Had I known he was coming to do that, I would have left him a note. and I would have cleaned up my pigsty of an office. Gah, getting angry again.
Up next: I have to go vote this evening and stop by Kroger. Good times.
Politics: i hope everyone I know voted no on issue 2 in Ohio today. Even if you aren't in a union or your job/workplace doesn't have one, you need to thank the existence of unions for your safe working conditions and livable wage. Not to mention SB5 was politically motivated by a Republican governor trying to cripple the democratic base. Don't let the smoke screen of saving money fool you. Want to save money? How about all those cronies of Kasich giving back those 40% raises?
Health: I finally called the doctor about my wrists. My hands stay numb or hurt 90% of the time.I'm just going to have to listen to her about the weight and grin and bear it so hopefully we can fix my wrists. Kristy and I did do a good deal of walking this weekend. That was really nice.
Relationship: Things with Kristy are good. She's sweet and loving and kind and and and. I think this is going to last a long time.
Work sucks. They are doing tht stupid stuff with computers where they set it so average joe's can't change any settings or anything. Really, I understand where they are coming from, but I know what I can and cannot do on a computer and it just pisses me off. Not to mention that thewy never tell you when the computer guy will be here. Had I known he was coming to do that, I would have left him a note. and I would have cleaned up my pigsty of an office. Gah, getting angry again.
Up next: I have to go vote this evening and stop by Kroger. Good times.
Saturday Morning
Nov. 5th, 2011 04:32 pmSo I didn't get a 2 posts in yesterday. I should have. Nothing to stop me. Well, I did go to a senior recital for an exotic dancing studio.
**screech**
Yes, an exotic dance studio had a "senior rectial" for its students who were graduating from the 400 level classes. One of my good friends has been taking pole dancing classes for several years, and finished up. I was really glad to go support her. i didn't not expect it to be so, ahem, exciting. Some of the girls were really good. But it was also just like any other student rectial. Some people were better than others, and there were all manner of people in the audience. In fact my friend's mom came which was interesting all in itself.
After the recital I went to dinner with a friend a Figilio. That was nice. It had been a while since I'd been out to a nice place and had a drink and good food. kristy and I somehow end up at chain places a lot. Which aren't my favorite.
Saturday mornings are my favorite time of the week. Typically Kristy and I don't set an alarm, but one or both of us with wake up by 7:30am anyway. we lay there and snuggle and talk and maybe do other things that we're always to tired to do on weeknights, then we get up and walk Melvin. We shower and make a list of errands and head out. We go get the CSA then typically hit a breakfast-y type place. (Bob Evans has been the recent choice). Then it's normally off to Target or the grocery store before heading home.
There is such a normalness to that routine - I love it. makes me smile.
I am contemplating my next couple of blogs. Might talk about Jealousy/Relationships, maybe some of the darker pieces of my past.
**screech**
Yes, an exotic dance studio had a "senior rectial" for its students who were graduating from the 400 level classes. One of my good friends has been taking pole dancing classes for several years, and finished up. I was really glad to go support her. i didn't not expect it to be so, ahem, exciting. Some of the girls were really good. But it was also just like any other student rectial. Some people were better than others, and there were all manner of people in the audience. In fact my friend's mom came which was interesting all in itself.
After the recital I went to dinner with a friend a Figilio. That was nice. It had been a while since I'd been out to a nice place and had a drink and good food. kristy and I somehow end up at chain places a lot. Which aren't my favorite.
Saturday mornings are my favorite time of the week. Typically Kristy and I don't set an alarm, but one or both of us with wake up by 7:30am anyway. we lay there and snuggle and talk and maybe do other things that we're always to tired to do on weeknights, then we get up and walk Melvin. We shower and make a list of errands and head out. We go get the CSA then typically hit a breakfast-y type place. (Bob Evans has been the recent choice). Then it's normally off to Target or the grocery store before heading home.
There is such a normalness to that routine - I love it. makes me smile.
I am contemplating my next couple of blogs. Might talk about Jealousy/Relationships, maybe some of the darker pieces of my past.
Other People's Children
Nov. 4th, 2011 08:40 amI found this video on Facebook this morning. And I don't get it.
Why in the world do people think that's funny? to crush their children that way? My one friend (whom I love dearly) said it made her want to have kids just so she could terrorize them this way. I can't wrap my brain around it. It sounds cruel and inhumane to me.
I've been thinking back just now, and maybe I don't get it because this wasn't a part of my life growing up. Dad used to say every year that the calendar was skipping from 12/24 to 12/26 - that there wouldn't be any Christmas that year. But that seemed so improbable and impossible that my sister and I didn't believe it ever. And still, it wasn't funny. Annoying, but not funny.
But then, I hate practical jokes too. And I make sure everybody knows I HATE!!! April Fools Day. I think I spent so much time as a child being the butt of other's jokes that I just don't see the humor in laughing at other people's expense. It's one thing when it is done in a loving way, but another entirely when it is just for the laugh.
And I tease people. It is one of the ways I show affection. it means I know you and love you enough to know what I can say or not say and not offend or hurt you. And I don't mind when good friends tease. But stuff like that video (and I've seen some of the tricks other people pull on their children for a laugh) just break my heart. That you can watch your child - this creature you've created and promised to love, cherish, and protect - be devastated over a lie you have perpetrated. ugh. makes me sick. I hope is that these kids were acting for the camera.
Needed to rant about that. maybe somebody can enlighten me as to why this is funny.
Why in the world do people think that's funny? to crush their children that way? My one friend (whom I love dearly) said it made her want to have kids just so she could terrorize them this way. I can't wrap my brain around it. It sounds cruel and inhumane to me.
I've been thinking back just now, and maybe I don't get it because this wasn't a part of my life growing up. Dad used to say every year that the calendar was skipping from 12/24 to 12/26 - that there wouldn't be any Christmas that year. But that seemed so improbable and impossible that my sister and I didn't believe it ever. And still, it wasn't funny. Annoying, but not funny.
But then, I hate practical jokes too. And I make sure everybody knows I HATE!!! April Fools Day. I think I spent so much time as a child being the butt of other's jokes that I just don't see the humor in laughing at other people's expense. It's one thing when it is done in a loving way, but another entirely when it is just for the laugh.
And I tease people. It is one of the ways I show affection. it means I know you and love you enough to know what I can say or not say and not offend or hurt you. And I don't mind when good friends tease. But stuff like that video (and I've seen some of the tricks other people pull on their children for a laugh) just break my heart. That you can watch your child - this creature you've created and promised to love, cherish, and protect - be devastated over a lie you have perpetrated. ugh. makes me sick. I hope is that these kids were acting for the camera.
Needed to rant about that. maybe somebody can enlighten me as to why this is funny.
Yay! I'm posting again. two days in a row. almost a streak.
I am fascinated by this occupy wall street/99% movement. And for the life of me, I can't figure out if I'm in the 1% or the 99%. I never really wanted for anything as a child, but we didn't have an overabundance either. I graduated from college debt free (thanks to my brain; full academic scholarship). I don't make much money, but that is more of my own doing than anything else. I guess I'm in between.
Speaking of money, I really, really need to get my finances straightened out. Since moving in with Kristy I haven't been doing very well with paying the bills and everything. Gotta get back on track.
I also need to get back on track with weight loss/exercising.
Lots of things need changing.
I am fascinated by this occupy wall street/99% movement. And for the life of me, I can't figure out if I'm in the 1% or the 99%. I never really wanted for anything as a child, but we didn't have an overabundance either. I graduated from college debt free (thanks to my brain; full academic scholarship). I don't make much money, but that is more of my own doing than anything else. I guess I'm in between.
Speaking of money, I really, really need to get my finances straightened out. Since moving in with Kristy I haven't been doing very well with paying the bills and everything. Gotta get back on track.
I also need to get back on track with weight loss/exercising.
Lots of things need changing.
NaBloWriMo (belatedly)
Nov. 1st, 2011 07:49 pmSo I know I wouldn't be able to write a novel, so I thought I'd try a blog post a day.
I really should journal more often.
Kristy has been leaving me to my own devices more often since she has so much school work. Sometimes that's nice, and sometimes it's irritating. I am sad kristy deleted her blog. i wonder if she has another one with a name she doesn't want me to know.
I am considering getting my PhD. There is also a chance that Kristy will go for hers, and in that case we will have to move. That's scary. It's scary in and of itself that i would consider moving to be with her.
So, we'll see where this takes me. I'll probably try to come up with some topics and such.
I really should journal more often.
Kristy has been leaving me to my own devices more often since she has so much school work. Sometimes that's nice, and sometimes it's irritating. I am sad kristy deleted her blog. i wonder if she has another one with a name she doesn't want me to know.
I am considering getting my PhD. There is also a chance that Kristy will go for hers, and in that case we will have to move. That's scary. It's scary in and of itself that i would consider moving to be with her.
So, we'll see where this takes me. I'll probably try to come up with some topics and such.
(no subject)
Oct. 11th, 2011 07:53 pmHello, is this thing on?
Life is going pretty well. I love living with Kristy. The transition was much easier than I thought it would be. We go to bed together and get up together and it's fun. It's a cute little familt with Melvin and Oden.
Speaking of, Melvin and Oden are doing pretty well together. The funniest thing is Oden loves chasing Melvin's leash. oden waits by the door when I take Melvin out so he can pounce when we come back in.
I was just looking at the Calendar. I'd love to take Kristy to Hocking Hills or the Inn at Honey Run, but finding a weekend to do it might be tricky. I may need to doit the weekend of Dave's birthday...
I tried to go back to band. I was a little surprised at how angry I still was at Leigh. And Leigh was overly nice. I got one of his passive aggressive emails when I told him I wasn't able to do it.
It was exciting to buy Yuengling in the store here in OH. It's good beer.
SO wassup with all y'all?
Life is going pretty well. I love living with Kristy. The transition was much easier than I thought it would be. We go to bed together and get up together and it's fun. It's a cute little familt with Melvin and Oden.
Speaking of, Melvin and Oden are doing pretty well together. The funniest thing is Oden loves chasing Melvin's leash. oden waits by the door when I take Melvin out so he can pounce when we come back in.
I was just looking at the Calendar. I'd love to take Kristy to Hocking Hills or the Inn at Honey Run, but finding a weekend to do it might be tricky. I may need to doit the weekend of Dave's birthday...
I tried to go back to band. I was a little surprised at how angry I still was at Leigh. And Leigh was overly nice. I got one of his passive aggressive emails when I told him I wasn't able to do it.
It was exciting to buy Yuengling in the store here in OH. It's good beer.
SO wassup with all y'all?
(no subject)
Jul. 24th, 2011 01:51 pmHoly crap I haven't updated in forever. I know I'd feel better if I did write.
Kristy and I are moving in together the first of August. Well, she's essentially moved into my place already, but we are moving to German Village soon. Sometimes I'm more excited than I can say, and other times I'm scared witless. It's mind boggling that mine is becoming ours. Melvin and Oden are getting along ok. They pretty much ignore each other which is fine by me.
I might go make some more iced coffee. Actually I want to walk up to the angry baker and get something sweet. I have so much packing to do that I'm not doing any of it. I really need to sort clothes and start going through papers and school stuff.
Through all this, I feel like I'm burying the submissiveness in me for Kristy. Not sure exactly how I feel about that. On one hand it's something i feel like I be able to give up, on the other hand I now I know how much I need that in my life. I just don't know.
I'm going to Dave's this evening to watch Harry Potter. Should be fun. I still miss our regular Sunday evening, but I'm getting more used to it. it just breaks my heart that he is like everyone else in my life, and dismissed me when he found something better, but now that I've recognized that, I'm getting my head wrapped around it. I'm going to bake a pie. :-) I need to go get that in the oven soon so It has time to cool. I also want a nap. I might take my nook. I hope I get some vodka.
in the weight category, I'm fat again. Not exercising and eating whatever I want will do that. I need to get back on the weightloss bandwagon. I hate being fat.
Kristy and I are moving in together the first of August. Well, she's essentially moved into my place already, but we are moving to German Village soon. Sometimes I'm more excited than I can say, and other times I'm scared witless. It's mind boggling that mine is becoming ours. Melvin and Oden are getting along ok. They pretty much ignore each other which is fine by me.
I might go make some more iced coffee. Actually I want to walk up to the angry baker and get something sweet. I have so much packing to do that I'm not doing any of it. I really need to sort clothes and start going through papers and school stuff.
Through all this, I feel like I'm burying the submissiveness in me for Kristy. Not sure exactly how I feel about that. On one hand it's something i feel like I be able to give up, on the other hand I now I know how much I need that in my life. I just don't know.
I'm going to Dave's this evening to watch Harry Potter. Should be fun. I still miss our regular Sunday evening, but I'm getting more used to it. it just breaks my heart that he is like everyone else in my life, and dismissed me when he found something better, but now that I've recognized that, I'm getting my head wrapped around it. I'm going to bake a pie. :-) I need to go get that in the oven soon so It has time to cool. I also want a nap. I might take my nook. I hope I get some vodka.
in the weight category, I'm fat again. Not exercising and eating whatever I want will do that. I need to get back on the weightloss bandwagon. I hate being fat.
normal evening
Jun. 27th, 2011 09:23 pmI am surfing the internet while Kristy is doing arts and crafts on the floor. I really love how normal this all is. Melvin is "helping." Actually he is watching her very intently. I think he's confused as to why she is in the floor, but not playing with him. Dot (I'm dogsitting) is under the bed. The storm scared her earlier.
I made an awesome dinner tonight. We had aborio rice with parmesean cheese and parsley; Italian stir fry with mushrooms, peppers, onions, sundried tomatoes, garlic tops; and wilted lettuce salad with different lettuces, scallions, and sorrel. So yummy.
I made an awesome dinner tonight. We had aborio rice with parmesean cheese and parsley; Italian stir fry with mushrooms, peppers, onions, sundried tomatoes, garlic tops; and wilted lettuce salad with different lettuces, scallions, and sorrel. So yummy.
30 days of Kink
Mar. 9th, 2011 01:06 pmI found this on another blog, and it sounds fun. I'll give all you lovely people 24 hours to tell me you'd rather not read about my dark side, and I'll create a filter.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
long time...
Feb. 23rd, 2011 04:14 pmI have not posted in FORever. This isn't for lack of trying, I just seem to be having a hard time getting the words out. And I've been writing some in a paper journal. As much as I love LJ, I have felt the need to keep things private.
I am spending lots of time with Kristy, which is awesome and fun, and I hope I don't screw it up. Dave has practically moved in with Andy. That's cool though it means less Dave time for me. Sad Panda. I have some other various irons in the fire so to speak that I need to figure out what to do with.
I have been spending money like nothing else which isn't good at all. Need to get those finances straightened out.
I have lots of paper clips on my desk. You could call me Bert.
The episode of Glee last night was on the dangers of alcohol. Good show. I loved the part where the football coach drags Will out to a Honky Tonk. The best was her describing it: "You haven't lived until you've seen me in a Cowboy Haaaat." (the words cowboy hat were sung.)
Dave needed caffeine this afternoon so I went and that meant I got some too. Yay me.
I wonder if they have rope at Giant Eagle. Hmmm. *evil grin*
I am spending lots of time with Kristy, which is awesome and fun, and I hope I don't screw it up. Dave has practically moved in with Andy. That's cool though it means less Dave time for me. Sad Panda. I have some other various irons in the fire so to speak that I need to figure out what to do with.
I have been spending money like nothing else which isn't good at all. Need to get those finances straightened out.
I have lots of paper clips on my desk. You could call me Bert.
The episode of Glee last night was on the dangers of alcohol. Good show. I loved the part where the football coach drags Will out to a Honky Tonk. The best was her describing it: "You haven't lived until you've seen me in a Cowboy Haaaat." (the words cowboy hat were sung.)
Dave needed caffeine this afternoon so I went and that meant I got some too. Yay me.
I wonder if they have rope at Giant Eagle. Hmmm. *evil grin*
Sunday morning update
Jan. 16th, 2011 10:20 amI somehow don't feel that bad that I'm skipping church. oops.
Been having a couple of good weeks. Hanging out with Kristy a good bit which is lovely. I enjoy it a whole bunch. Trying not to listen to the neurotic voices in my head that tell me I can't be happy.
Losing the weight battle again. I am not exercising nearly enough. I also need to be better about eating. I thnk that's going marginally better. I just had to pack up the XL clothes and go back to 2XL. boohiss. I'll get there.
I am debating band. Of course I can't go this week because of work. I wonder if I could do it. Go and just play. I miss directing so damn much.
I should go fix something for brunch. This has become my MO on Sundays; I get up and fix something around 11am and then I'm good and ready for Sunday evening. Woohoo.
Been having a couple of good weeks. Hanging out with Kristy a good bit which is lovely. I enjoy it a whole bunch. Trying not to listen to the neurotic voices in my head that tell me I can't be happy.
Losing the weight battle again. I am not exercising nearly enough. I also need to be better about eating. I thnk that's going marginally better. I just had to pack up the XL clothes and go back to 2XL. boohiss. I'll get there.
I am debating band. Of course I can't go this week because of work. I wonder if I could do it. Go and just play. I miss directing so damn much.
I should go fix something for brunch. This has become my MO on Sundays; I get up and fix something around 11am and then I'm good and ready for Sunday evening. Woohoo.
Can you go home again?
Dec. 23rd, 2010 09:34 amMelvin is patiently watching my Mom in the kitchen hoping she'll drop something. I should go get the presents out of the car and get them wrapped. I went overboard with the kids but oh well.
I am better ableto keep my emotions in check when I am in caretaker mode. Had some revelations about that this morning as it applies to my relationships with friends with significant others.
It is going to be a day of baking and cooking. Sounds fun to me. Tonight is the Floyd family Christmas then tomorrow I meet up with some HS friends before church. Mom is going to a second church service which I may skip to have some holiday cheer of my own.
My massage was wasted after the drive down here last night. The last 20 miles were snowy and the last half of that (once I got off at Mossy) were interesting to say the least. It was terrible but I'm not used to snow/ice covered curvy hilly roads any more. Especially in a car I can't down shift in. I feel so helpless without that.
I am also going to figure out if I can hook up my laptop... I have website to check that I don't want to do on Mom's computer...
I am better ableto keep my emotions in check when I am in caretaker mode. Had some revelations about that this morning as it applies to my relationships with friends with significant others.
It is going to be a day of baking and cooking. Sounds fun to me. Tonight is the Floyd family Christmas then tomorrow I meet up with some HS friends before church. Mom is going to a second church service which I may skip to have some holiday cheer of my own.
My massage was wasted after the drive down here last night. The last 20 miles were snowy and the last half of that (once I got off at Mossy) were interesting to say the least. It was terrible but I'm not used to snow/ice covered curvy hilly roads any more. Especially in a car I can't down shift in. I feel so helpless without that.
I am also going to figure out if I can hook up my laptop... I have website to check that I don't want to do on Mom's computer...
It's not that I don't have things to say.
Dec. 6th, 2010 10:11 amAnd I would feel better if I wrote them. I just get wrapped up in my own head.
some bullets:
-I almost got another dog yesterday.
-Dave is a wonderful, wonderful friend.
-I am uber depressed. I wish I knew what caused it.
-I need to set some hard and fast rules for myself
-I should turn the heat down in my office.
-I wonder if Dave would want to come over and help me decorate.
-I'll give him first crack
-I got some more grown-up bed sheets. *grin*
That's about it.
some bullets:
-I almost got another dog yesterday.
-Dave is a wonderful, wonderful friend.
-I am uber depressed. I wish I knew what caused it.
-I need to set some hard and fast rules for myself
-I should turn the heat down in my office.
-I wonder if Dave would want to come over and help me decorate.
-I'll give him first crack
-I got some more grown-up bed sheets. *grin*
That's about it.
SO I didn't update on much of anything.
I made awesome sauce dinner for Dave and I on Sunday. Homemade stovetop mac-n-cheese, "meat"loaf (which was ok, but not great), Sauteed brussel sprouts and mushrooms, and deviled eggs (Dave's favorite.) The mac-n-cheese is awesome.
I finally heard from Kim amd Jasen. It's weird and complicated and I don't know what to do with it.
I did put up a profile on a Facebook like site for "Kinksters" called Fetlife. I'm trying to talk myself into going to a meet and greet this evening, but I don't know if I can do it alone. I really want to explore this side of me though.
My mom told me the most heartbreaking story. Jordyn is in a church class called cubbies - it's a part of Awanas - and it was her turn to pray on Wednesday. She said "I want to pray for MeeMaw because she is lonely since GrandDaddy had to go to Heaven, and I want to pray for GrandDaddy because he missed Halloween and I know he loves candy." It breaks my heart. I know my father is in a better place, and I am grateful for that, but the fact the he won't see his grandchildren grow up and Noah won't remember him just tears at my soul. I didn't have any of my grandparents for very long and I so wanted Jordyn and Noah to have that love in their lives.
I made awesome sauce dinner for Dave and I on Sunday. Homemade stovetop mac-n-cheese, "meat"loaf (which was ok, but not great), Sauteed brussel sprouts and mushrooms, and deviled eggs (Dave's favorite.) The mac-n-cheese is awesome.
I finally heard from Kim amd Jasen. It's weird and complicated and I don't know what to do with it.
I did put up a profile on a Facebook like site for "Kinksters" called Fetlife. I'm trying to talk myself into going to a meet and greet this evening, but I don't know if I can do it alone. I really want to explore this side of me though.
My mom told me the most heartbreaking story. Jordyn is in a church class called cubbies - it's a part of Awanas - and it was her turn to pray on Wednesday. She said "I want to pray for MeeMaw because she is lonely since GrandDaddy had to go to Heaven, and I want to pray for GrandDaddy because he missed Halloween and I know he loves candy." It breaks my heart. I know my father is in a better place, and I am grateful for that, but the fact the he won't see his grandchildren grow up and Noah won't remember him just tears at my soul. I didn't have any of my grandparents for very long and I so wanted Jordyn and Noah to have that love in their lives.
Hehehe.
I had a great dream last night. I had gone back to band (just to play) and nothing had changed. Leigh was still being an asshole. SO I told him off in front of the group. Then when I stormed out he chased wanting to know what he'd done. So I told him "You know, I'm not this emotional beautiful conductor like you are. But I do think I'm a great rehearsalist and the band sounds good when I direct. They listened to me, and I enjoyed the connection we shared. And you never acknowledged that and so I had to give it up." Then I walked away.
:-)
Also deciding if I want to contact Kim and Jasen this morning. I want to, but don't want to seem too forward.
Well, I should get to work.
I had a great dream last night. I had gone back to band (just to play) and nothing had changed. Leigh was still being an asshole. SO I told him off in front of the group. Then when I stormed out he chased wanting to know what he'd done. So I told him "You know, I'm not this emotional beautiful conductor like you are. But I do think I'm a great rehearsalist and the band sounds good when I direct. They listened to me, and I enjoyed the connection we shared. And you never acknowledged that and so I had to give it up." Then I walked away.
:-)
Also deciding if I want to contact Kim and Jasen this morning. I want to, but don't want to seem too forward.
Well, I should get to work.
